Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just googled if crying burns calories
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
last night I used snow as a chaser
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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