I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
