She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
