So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
