Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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