i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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