WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
