Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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