dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
