That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
