I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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