the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
