My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
