I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
