He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
