Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
