I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
