meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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