drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
