Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
