I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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