so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
