i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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