Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
