just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
