ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
