So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
