are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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