Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
