I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
