Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
