I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
