Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
