he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
