I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Semen is not good for contacts.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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