when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
