I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
