Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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