goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think my fart just growled at me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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