Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
