I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He? As in you personified your dick?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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