So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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