Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
