I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
