my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
