She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This is my gift to your gina
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
