If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
