You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
