I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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