They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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