RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You are the jesus of drinking
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
