dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
