Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
