i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
