What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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