I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
